Thursday, September 26, 2013

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Back from a holiday, just in time for the funnies!


Dave comes home from the pub, drunkest he's been in a long time, and collapses into bed next to his sleeping wife. Later, he's woken by a brilliant flash of light at the end of his bed, which his still sleeping wife seems oblivious to. St. Peter appears in all his glory, standing over the two of them. 

"You have died my son, of alcohol poisoning." says St. Peter. 

Dave is obviously distraught, and begs and pleads with the saint to be given another chance at life. 

"Well..." says St. Peter, thumbing through his saintly handbook, "there is a little known rule which might help. Apparently you can be reincarnated in special circumstances if you wish, but only as a dog or as a chicken I'm afraid." 

Dave, living next door to a chicken farm, agrees to be reincarnated as a chicken, at least so he can still see his wife. 

BOOM, the man is suddenly now a chicken, pecking around the chicken farm. A rooster approaches him and says, 

"Hey! You must be the new arrival here! How's everything going?" 

"Pretty good" says Dave, "though my stomach feels a bit funny." 

"Well you're obviously about to lay an egg! Give it a try; push one out!" 

So Dave wriggles and squirms and wriggles and squirms and out pops a nice egg! "That felt great!" thinks Dave, "I think I'll lay another one!" So again he wriggles and squirms and wriggles and squirms and then...

BANG! Dave's wife angrily slaps him on the back of his head and screams in a rage. 

"For Christ's sake Dave! You've shit the bed again!"

Pics. Enjoy.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Funnies time again!


An Australian, a Pakistani, and an American are in the hospital waiting room together, all three of their wives about to give birth. 

Suddenly, the doctor comes out and says:

"I'm terribly sorry, but we've had a mix up and we don't know which baby is which!"

The men agreed amongst themselves that they'd go and see if they could tell, if they felt a special connection to one, for example. 

The Australian entered the room first, and was in there for 15 minutes, before emerging with what was, for various reasons, clearly the Pakistani man's son. 

The Pakistani pointed this out immediately. The Australian replied, 

"I know, but one of the others is an American, and I'm not taking the risk!" 

Pics. Enjoy.